Internet has been down the last few days, I'm surprised it kept up for this long, so someone must be keeping the servers alive, I heard that the Internet had to be kept live as it is now the only form of communication the world has with each other, not only that but its useful for the government to keep tabs on which areas still have life and pass on orders to what is left of the military defences, so I guess we are thankful that we still have one last luxury left in this destroyed world.
So what has happened? Well for one I am still alive, and I am still with Steve. We spent the night in the mobile phone shop and I finally got my hands on an IPhone 4. I have been wanting one of these babies forever, yet the bittersweet thing is the damn thing has no reception, the Fifi works, but I have no way of charging the damn thing, except for one of those battery powered emergency phone chargers. I woke up the day after being rescued by Steve, My hearing was still a little bit tetchy from that damned alarm in Wilkinson's, yet apart from a banging headache I could finally hear sound again. It was great to finally put a voice to Steve's face rather than communicating through notepad on the laptop. My first plan was getting out of the shop and back to my flat, my tower block is right next to town so I assumed it was the quickest place to get to, yet Steve told me we weren't going anywhere for a while. The shop alarm had pretty much drew in every single infected for a 10 mile radius and the town was now swarming with the bastards. Just looking out the shop window through the metal shutters all I could see was a river of shambling bodies. It was now apparent that we were not getting passed these without some sort of struggle. I should have just launched a flare into the sky saying "live meat, right here." The thing is, none of the zombies have any idea what to do when they reach the source of all the noise, they still wander around confused and dazed as before, but I think the alarm is such a distinct new sound that makes them curious, just shows how stupid they really have become.
So who is Steve and what is he like? For the past few days I have taken time to get to know him and share war stories, however mine are pretty lame compared to the shit he has had to go through. Steve is 21 years old still living at home with his parents and has a girlfriend, well all of the above up until a month ago. He came home from work the day the curfew was imposed to find his mum and dad in bed suffering high fever and couldn't get hold of his girlfriend via phone or facebook. He tried calling the doctor out to his parents, but got nothing more than an engaged tone. The first he knew that the world had turned to flesh eating zombies was when his parents came down the morning after and tried to eat him. He managed to get out of the house without a scratch but almost took a shot from the Army who were at that time alive and fighting. He screamed to them that he was okay, but they still fired at him and he managed to escape down an alley. He was greeted by his neighbors, some alive some zombies. At this point there was so much confusion in what was going on in the world, people were being attacked and torn apart in the street by their family, everyone else tried to ram as much as they could in their cars and tried to escape town. Some made it, some got destroyed by attack helicopters or Army barricades blocking the town exits. It didn't matter who you were, nobody was safe.
Steve decided that he wasn't going home, so he ran back to work, there was obviously nobody there, but he had nowhere else to go. Since then he has been scavenging and looting wherever possible, he even cleaned out the weatherspoons pub after me, but he obviously had more common sense not to burst into an alarmed shop like I did. One thing I was happy with is that he had an awesome supply of booze he couldn't drink himself, so we spent a few nights getting drunk and having our own private and very quiet little party. We both agreed that when the numbers outside lower, we will come back to my flat, as the backroom in a small phone shop is enough to send you insane after a while, not that I could talk what with my own mental episodes, which I have to say has been kept in check the last few days. It has been nice to again enjoy some of the simple things in life, even if its a bottle of month old southern comfort, makes you realise why you shouldn't give up. Morale was raised slightly the last few days, we got so drunk we didn't even care if the rest of the world has gone down the toilet or if no help was coming, we had everything we needed and life was good.
Wednesday 27 July 2011
Monday 25 July 2011
Day 51
It got pretty hairy today, I had to go out again to get supplies because the pub snacks I have been living on have all gone. I didn't take my camcorder this time because the battery is dead, not to mention I was so distracted with getting everything on film last time that I missed the zombie that appeared right in front of me. I was lucky I had a gun on me, but unlucky in that firing off the gun alerted every walking corpse to my location. So how did it go I hear you ask, well it could have gone better, because I didn't make it back home, I am actually hiding out in the back of a mobile phone shop along with a survivor I met on my travels. Let me explain to you all how it all started.
I woke up as usual this morning, yet again with that familiar feeling of dread, knowing that I had to venture out into the world of the dead. I still haven't recovered properly from the last time I went out and that was over 3 weeks ago. The smell of rot and decay was overwhelming from up here, god knows how bad it is on ground level. I decided to make a face mask out of an old scarf to at least lower the chances of inhaling the indescribable stench of death. I packed some things I needed, like the pistol I recovered from the dead soldier, a knife and a first aid kit. I didn't ant to pack my bag too much with survival gear as I wouldn't be able to bring much back with me. So again I unlocked the front door, and was welcomed with a vacuum of clean air, that didn't smell of sweat and warm body smell. I took the same route down the stairs and completely forgot about Robyn, Well I forgot until her body appeared on the stairwell where I left her. The flies really had gone to town on her, the smell punched me in the face so hard that I nearly passed out. The air was filled with a thunderous buzzing sound from all the flies, there must have been thousands of them. After walking round her, I continued on my way to the 2nd floor where I knew I could get out and down the drainpipe by the overhang.
It was nice to touch down on the ground again, it was a really nice hot day, I was glad to wear a shirt, if you closed your eyes for a few seconds, everything felt perfect, keep them closed for too long and you will open them to a horde of infected feasting on your flesh. So the glory was short lived, I had things to do and didn't have time to waste enjoying the outdoors. Things were quiet, I only saw a couple of roamers in the distance, nothing immediate or threatening, after all these things are only dangerous in large numbers. I still hadn't worked out what their maximum view range was, but it seemed to be pretty close for them to recognise the difference between us and them. Providing I didn't stand out or make any fast moves I could almost blend in and walk passed them. This of course was only theory, and I didn't want to put it to the test, however from multiple news reports and my own personal experience, it all seemed to link up pretty accurately that 10 feet or further, rendered these things blind. I made it into town again, the place was exactly the same as before, the fires had gone out and the bomb crators had filled with rain water. There were a few stragglers, I walked around them quietly and slowly, my hand tightly gripping onto the gun. I was ready and waiting for any attack, my body had gone through a vigorous fitness regime, all undergone in my living room. If I stayed alive, it was because I had spent weeks preparing myself, I respected and feared my enemy.
I made it back to the weatherspoons pub that I stocked up on before, yet it was no good, someone visited after me and cleared out everything I couldn't carry. I didn't even bother trying to double check, whoever it was had help and lots of it, there was no point in wasting time trying to find scraps because there weren't going to be any. I was a bit disheartened and upset that i didn't carry more the first time, yet even if I carried 3 bags full of stuff, I would still need to come out at some point. I kicked myself into gear as I was exposed and didn't have time to mess about, so after turning around I noticed the Wilkinson Store looked untouched.
I realised it looked untouched for a reason and that was because it was. For most it was a furniture and gardening store, good for quilts, lampshades and the odd shovel, but what most people overlooked was that one isle sold snacks and drinks. The door was shut and locked, but the whole shop was just a long window, I could even walk along side the shop and see the snack isle and it was fully stocked. I then realised that if I was to get in there, I wouldn't be able to do it quietly, I didn't have a key so I had to break the glass. After checking the area to find it completely dead, I spent the next few minutes contemplating what I was going to do.
The plan was pretty simple, break the glass, then charge towards the snacks, pack as much of it into my bag as humanly possible, not being picky or selective, just grab, pack, and grab some more. If I was quick I could have a stocked up bag within 30 seconds and be out before I drew a crowd. So after checking again I decided it was now or never, so I drew the pistol, took aim at the glass and fired twice. I forgot just how loud that damn gun actually was, the 2nd shot made my ears ring, the glass frosted up and disintegrated onto the floor leaving a huge hole. What I didn't contemplate was the stores alarm system, It activated as soon as I entered and the ear piercing noise almost dropped me to the floor. The Alarm must have been working off of a battery or a separate emergency power system because all other power in the town was out. The noise was so painful to my already battered ears that running in a straight line was even a challenge, even so that I ended up running down the wrong isle. I ended up running down plant seeds and fertilizer to which panic sent me into a frenzy, running around like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. I didn't have time to think, it was pure animistic frustration. My brain was now aching from the high pitched screeching of the alarm. It must of been one of those new super sonic alarms that use such a high frequency that they actually cause intruders to flee in agony with a migraine only Lindsy Lohan would recognise.
In my frantic panic I managed to re find the correct isle collapsed in front of the crisps and drinks and begun to stuff as much of them in my bag as possible. I tried to take more of the fizzy drinks because liquid was more important than food. I managed to bag a good handful of warm Coke, Lilt and Cherry Tango. I also managed to get me some chocolate as much as I could pile in. Trying to avoid the crisps a bit because i had lived on those for weeks and to be honest was getting sick of them, I managed to bag about 4-6 packs anyway.
By now I could feel my hearing starting to go, this meant that by staying in here for much longer would mean permanent damage so I had to get out. So I charged for the open hole I made earlier to find that a horde of zombies had started closing in. God knows where these bastards came from, they must all have been laying dormant on the floor until I decided to wake them up with the biggest noise I could make. Somehow I managed to squeeze through the hole and get clear of the shop just as they began to close the gap they had made in their group attempt to surround me. My success was short lived, because as I turned to run, I tripped on some loose pavement that had been blown out from one of the bomb crators and it knocked my bad ankle I damaged earlier in the week. Not only did it knock me to the floor, but the pain caused was almost unbearable. I tried to get back onto my feet, but as soon as I put weight on my ankle it defied any attempt at running away. I was down, I was in pain and suffering from a leg injury that rendered me immobile.
All I could do was crawl on my hands and knees, trying by best not to let my foot touch the ground. Obviously in my panicked and desperate state I kept knocking the ground, only to be met with a dull scream. The horde were starting to close in on me, my cover had been blown and I had no real way of escaping them. I only had 12 rounds left in the pistol and there must have been about 20 of them. I could see more and more joining the group, all were drawn to the shop alarm system. I needed a miracle or at least a platoon of soldiers to turn up and shoot them all. My mind was racing, was I really going to die here? Would I have to feel every bite from the infected as they slowly tore me limb from limb? The thought was terrifying, I had lost control of my own fate, I was outnumbered and had no way of getting away fast enough. I looked up in front of me and I saw a figure of someone, it wasn't like the rest, he was running. The dead could barely walk so I soon realised that it was a survivor. His face was completely covered with a balaclava and wore a thick bomber jacket like the ones bouncers wear outside nightclubs. I could also see he was wearing thick gloves too.
He charged right at me, I think he called out something, but my hearing was a blur. The alarm system had completely knocked my hearing off, what with the ringing noise now taking over my head, the only other thing I could hear where rubles and echos. I can only imagine he said get up, but I shouted back that I had twisted my ankle and couldn't get up. He took both my arms and dragged me as fast as he could, my aching foot scrapped along the pavement making the pain even worse. Looking back at the horde of infected it seemed we were making ground on them. Infected had started to gather from all directions now so the danger wasn't only contained from one direction. He shouted something else in my face, again I couldn't make it out, but he pulled me up onto my feet, swung my arm over his shoulder and took my weight. We made a half attempted run for it, round the corner and into an old mobile phone shop. We were lucky in that none of the infected had seen us make it inside, my saviour pulled down the metal shutters and helped me out into the back office. Shut the main door to the shop and locked it. We were now in a backroom that doubled as a stock room, kitchen and a door that led to a toilet. There were also some stairs that led up to a possible office area. The only illumination in the room came from the candles and the light from the upstairs windows. I collapsed to the floor in pain, holding my ears, I burst into tears, again I had almost lost my life and somehow escaped death for a second time.
The guy who saved me took off his jacket that looked to be padded to prevent any bites breaking through to the skin, he then removed his balaclava and looked down at me. I stared back into his eyes, they showed the horror of someone who had fought in a bloody war and had aged 30 years. His black unkept beard hid his mouth, it looked almost as long as mine. We kind of locked into a time freeze, both of us took some deep breaths, and analyzed everything that just happened. I broke the moment by pointing to my ear and nodding a no expression to explain to him that I was deaf. He nodded back to me to show me he understood. It wasn't rocket science, after all, you could still hear the shop alarm from in here, well I didn't at first but a few hours later my hearing came back, the ringing continued and still hasn't stopped yet. At first we communicated via writing on paper, then, he decided to pull a notebook laptop off the shelf, fire it up and we spoke via the windows notepad. I am writing this from that very laptop, another one to add to my ever lasting collection.
I found out his name is Steve Samuels, he used to work in the shop for Mr Abdul who had passed on at the beginning. He too needed supplies and ended up getting cornered and decided to hide in the shop, he had the key for. He asked me if I had been bitten and requested to check me over for bites to which I showed him. We then spent a few hours talking about how we had survived this far and what we used to do before it all happened. The conversations took a long time to get through being as we had to type everything out. Before we knew it time had got on and it started to get dark. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was nearly 10pm. Steve said he was getting tired and suggested we got our head down, soon after he rolled up into the bed he had made on the floor. Since then I have been sitting here writing all this to you. My hearing is still off, I am going to get some sleep now, I hope that in the morning my ears show some signs of improvement. There is still a lot to talk about, but I need to rest. Steve seems to be a good person, I may even bring him back to my flat if he wants to come, after all I haven't spoken to anyone for over a month. I just hope Robyn doesn't have a problem with me bringing someone home.
I woke up as usual this morning, yet again with that familiar feeling of dread, knowing that I had to venture out into the world of the dead. I still haven't recovered properly from the last time I went out and that was over 3 weeks ago. The smell of rot and decay was overwhelming from up here, god knows how bad it is on ground level. I decided to make a face mask out of an old scarf to at least lower the chances of inhaling the indescribable stench of death. I packed some things I needed, like the pistol I recovered from the dead soldier, a knife and a first aid kit. I didn't ant to pack my bag too much with survival gear as I wouldn't be able to bring much back with me. So again I unlocked the front door, and was welcomed with a vacuum of clean air, that didn't smell of sweat and warm body smell. I took the same route down the stairs and completely forgot about Robyn, Well I forgot until her body appeared on the stairwell where I left her. The flies really had gone to town on her, the smell punched me in the face so hard that I nearly passed out. The air was filled with a thunderous buzzing sound from all the flies, there must have been thousands of them. After walking round her, I continued on my way to the 2nd floor where I knew I could get out and down the drainpipe by the overhang.
It was nice to touch down on the ground again, it was a really nice hot day, I was glad to wear a shirt, if you closed your eyes for a few seconds, everything felt perfect, keep them closed for too long and you will open them to a horde of infected feasting on your flesh. So the glory was short lived, I had things to do and didn't have time to waste enjoying the outdoors. Things were quiet, I only saw a couple of roamers in the distance, nothing immediate or threatening, after all these things are only dangerous in large numbers. I still hadn't worked out what their maximum view range was, but it seemed to be pretty close for them to recognise the difference between us and them. Providing I didn't stand out or make any fast moves I could almost blend in and walk passed them. This of course was only theory, and I didn't want to put it to the test, however from multiple news reports and my own personal experience, it all seemed to link up pretty accurately that 10 feet or further, rendered these things blind. I made it into town again, the place was exactly the same as before, the fires had gone out and the bomb crators had filled with rain water. There were a few stragglers, I walked around them quietly and slowly, my hand tightly gripping onto the gun. I was ready and waiting for any attack, my body had gone through a vigorous fitness regime, all undergone in my living room. If I stayed alive, it was because I had spent weeks preparing myself, I respected and feared my enemy.
I made it back to the weatherspoons pub that I stocked up on before, yet it was no good, someone visited after me and cleared out everything I couldn't carry. I didn't even bother trying to double check, whoever it was had help and lots of it, there was no point in wasting time trying to find scraps because there weren't going to be any. I was a bit disheartened and upset that i didn't carry more the first time, yet even if I carried 3 bags full of stuff, I would still need to come out at some point. I kicked myself into gear as I was exposed and didn't have time to mess about, so after turning around I noticed the Wilkinson Store looked untouched.
I realised it looked untouched for a reason and that was because it was. For most it was a furniture and gardening store, good for quilts, lampshades and the odd shovel, but what most people overlooked was that one isle sold snacks and drinks. The door was shut and locked, but the whole shop was just a long window, I could even walk along side the shop and see the snack isle and it was fully stocked. I then realised that if I was to get in there, I wouldn't be able to do it quietly, I didn't have a key so I had to break the glass. After checking the area to find it completely dead, I spent the next few minutes contemplating what I was going to do.
The plan was pretty simple, break the glass, then charge towards the snacks, pack as much of it into my bag as humanly possible, not being picky or selective, just grab, pack, and grab some more. If I was quick I could have a stocked up bag within 30 seconds and be out before I drew a crowd. So after checking again I decided it was now or never, so I drew the pistol, took aim at the glass and fired twice. I forgot just how loud that damn gun actually was, the 2nd shot made my ears ring, the glass frosted up and disintegrated onto the floor leaving a huge hole. What I didn't contemplate was the stores alarm system, It activated as soon as I entered and the ear piercing noise almost dropped me to the floor. The Alarm must have been working off of a battery or a separate emergency power system because all other power in the town was out. The noise was so painful to my already battered ears that running in a straight line was even a challenge, even so that I ended up running down the wrong isle. I ended up running down plant seeds and fertilizer to which panic sent me into a frenzy, running around like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. I didn't have time to think, it was pure animistic frustration. My brain was now aching from the high pitched screeching of the alarm. It must of been one of those new super sonic alarms that use such a high frequency that they actually cause intruders to flee in agony with a migraine only Lindsy Lohan would recognise.
In my frantic panic I managed to re find the correct isle collapsed in front of the crisps and drinks and begun to stuff as much of them in my bag as possible. I tried to take more of the fizzy drinks because liquid was more important than food. I managed to bag a good handful of warm Coke, Lilt and Cherry Tango. I also managed to get me some chocolate as much as I could pile in. Trying to avoid the crisps a bit because i had lived on those for weeks and to be honest was getting sick of them, I managed to bag about 4-6 packs anyway.
By now I could feel my hearing starting to go, this meant that by staying in here for much longer would mean permanent damage so I had to get out. So I charged for the open hole I made earlier to find that a horde of zombies had started closing in. God knows where these bastards came from, they must all have been laying dormant on the floor until I decided to wake them up with the biggest noise I could make. Somehow I managed to squeeze through the hole and get clear of the shop just as they began to close the gap they had made in their group attempt to surround me. My success was short lived, because as I turned to run, I tripped on some loose pavement that had been blown out from one of the bomb crators and it knocked my bad ankle I damaged earlier in the week. Not only did it knock me to the floor, but the pain caused was almost unbearable. I tried to get back onto my feet, but as soon as I put weight on my ankle it defied any attempt at running away. I was down, I was in pain and suffering from a leg injury that rendered me immobile.
All I could do was crawl on my hands and knees, trying by best not to let my foot touch the ground. Obviously in my panicked and desperate state I kept knocking the ground, only to be met with a dull scream. The horde were starting to close in on me, my cover had been blown and I had no real way of escaping them. I only had 12 rounds left in the pistol and there must have been about 20 of them. I could see more and more joining the group, all were drawn to the shop alarm system. I needed a miracle or at least a platoon of soldiers to turn up and shoot them all. My mind was racing, was I really going to die here? Would I have to feel every bite from the infected as they slowly tore me limb from limb? The thought was terrifying, I had lost control of my own fate, I was outnumbered and had no way of getting away fast enough. I looked up in front of me and I saw a figure of someone, it wasn't like the rest, he was running. The dead could barely walk so I soon realised that it was a survivor. His face was completely covered with a balaclava and wore a thick bomber jacket like the ones bouncers wear outside nightclubs. I could also see he was wearing thick gloves too.
He charged right at me, I think he called out something, but my hearing was a blur. The alarm system had completely knocked my hearing off, what with the ringing noise now taking over my head, the only other thing I could hear where rubles and echos. I can only imagine he said get up, but I shouted back that I had twisted my ankle and couldn't get up. He took both my arms and dragged me as fast as he could, my aching foot scrapped along the pavement making the pain even worse. Looking back at the horde of infected it seemed we were making ground on them. Infected had started to gather from all directions now so the danger wasn't only contained from one direction. He shouted something else in my face, again I couldn't make it out, but he pulled me up onto my feet, swung my arm over his shoulder and took my weight. We made a half attempted run for it, round the corner and into an old mobile phone shop. We were lucky in that none of the infected had seen us make it inside, my saviour pulled down the metal shutters and helped me out into the back office. Shut the main door to the shop and locked it. We were now in a backroom that doubled as a stock room, kitchen and a door that led to a toilet. There were also some stairs that led up to a possible office area. The only illumination in the room came from the candles and the light from the upstairs windows. I collapsed to the floor in pain, holding my ears, I burst into tears, again I had almost lost my life and somehow escaped death for a second time.
The guy who saved me took off his jacket that looked to be padded to prevent any bites breaking through to the skin, he then removed his balaclava and looked down at me. I stared back into his eyes, they showed the horror of someone who had fought in a bloody war and had aged 30 years. His black unkept beard hid his mouth, it looked almost as long as mine. We kind of locked into a time freeze, both of us took some deep breaths, and analyzed everything that just happened. I broke the moment by pointing to my ear and nodding a no expression to explain to him that I was deaf. He nodded back to me to show me he understood. It wasn't rocket science, after all, you could still hear the shop alarm from in here, well I didn't at first but a few hours later my hearing came back, the ringing continued and still hasn't stopped yet. At first we communicated via writing on paper, then, he decided to pull a notebook laptop off the shelf, fire it up and we spoke via the windows notepad. I am writing this from that very laptop, another one to add to my ever lasting collection.
I found out his name is Steve Samuels, he used to work in the shop for Mr Abdul who had passed on at the beginning. He too needed supplies and ended up getting cornered and decided to hide in the shop, he had the key for. He asked me if I had been bitten and requested to check me over for bites to which I showed him. We then spent a few hours talking about how we had survived this far and what we used to do before it all happened. The conversations took a long time to get through being as we had to type everything out. Before we knew it time had got on and it started to get dark. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was nearly 10pm. Steve said he was getting tired and suggested we got our head down, soon after he rolled up into the bed he had made on the floor. Since then I have been sitting here writing all this to you. My hearing is still off, I am going to get some sleep now, I hope that in the morning my ears show some signs of improvement. There is still a lot to talk about, but I need to rest. Steve seems to be a good person, I may even bring him back to my flat if he wants to come, after all I haven't spoken to anyone for over a month. I just hope Robyn doesn't have a problem with me bringing someone home.
Saturday 23 July 2011
Day 50
Sorry for the delay in posting over the past few days, I have been living off a Morphine high that has really made my life much better. My ankle feels a lot better now, I can put weight on it again which means I can go out on my 2nd supply run tomorrow. The battery on the spare laptop died so I am using the laptop I found in the pub. It was quite interesting having a browse through someone elses files, I don't think it counts as being bad because the owners were probably digested by a bunch of undead, not that it matters because there is nobody about to point their finger at me and tut. However, the owner of the laptop, Steve seems to have been a bit of a naughty boy, he had left a few messages on his computer that would indicate he was having an affair with one of the bar maids while his wife was clearly unaware. It was really strange reading messages written by somebody who was probably dead by now, along with everyone he is talking about. You could tell he had a lot more to talk about but the messages just stopped, I assume he either got sick or got munched by the infected, either way it was nice to read something other than my own blog. All I can say is, Steve, if you are alive and are somehow reading this, I have your laptop and I sure hope you stopped cheating on Marie.
I haven't had anymore visits from Robyn or any memory flashbacks trying to take over from what I can think of, I hope that it was just a temporary thing that has passed now. I am keeping my mind occupied on things to keep it busy and stimulated with things to prevent it from wandering off. The last thing I need is my brain going into lock down while I am outside looking for food. I really am hungry, its been about 3 days since I ate and the rumbling in my tummy is a constant reminder that food is at the top of my list of things to get. I would have gone earlier, yet my ankle being in pain from falling over meant that I could not risk going out. There is one thing I wish I could have and that is clean air, the smell I constantly have to endure is so overpowering.
Everything has shut down, there is nobody keeping the streets clean, so the smell of rotten bodies along with general waste piling up creates a horrible mix of putridness only words can describe. I also worry that the dirty conditions our streets are left in means more disease and rats carrying infection about the place. I have also noticed the grass outside has started to get overgrown, the bushes are untidy and its only a matter of time before weeds start growing over the unused roads. The wilderness is very slowly but surely growing over everything, but what can we do? there are no council workers to keep it under control, not that it matters because for once I can safely avoid paying my council tax without worrying about a warning letter coming through the door. Saying that, even with everything that's happened, the greedy council would probably still find a way to send out council tax warnings and demand money for rent. That would just be my luck, getting evicted from my flat in the middle of a zombie outbreak.
Speaking of zombies, they are still wandering about looking as dumb as usual. I saw one yesterday that had half its body missing. By the looks of it, someone took a shot at it with a 12 gauge shotgun at point blank range, because the left side of its chest was gone, no ribcage, no meaty bits, a nice clean curvy hole, the arm was missing too. All I could think of is how much that must really hurt if those things can feel pain. I did feel sorry for the poor soul, yet there is a chance I may be running into him tomorrow, if I do then I may have the decency to put him out of his misery. I got a gun, but will try not to use it if possible, I need to keep my noise to a minimum, I gave myself away the last time and I swear some of them followed me back here. I cannot afford for that to happen again.
I haven't had anymore visits from Robyn or any memory flashbacks trying to take over from what I can think of, I hope that it was just a temporary thing that has passed now. I am keeping my mind occupied on things to keep it busy and stimulated with things to prevent it from wandering off. The last thing I need is my brain going into lock down while I am outside looking for food. I really am hungry, its been about 3 days since I ate and the rumbling in my tummy is a constant reminder that food is at the top of my list of things to get. I would have gone earlier, yet my ankle being in pain from falling over meant that I could not risk going out. There is one thing I wish I could have and that is clean air, the smell I constantly have to endure is so overpowering.
Everything has shut down, there is nobody keeping the streets clean, so the smell of rotten bodies along with general waste piling up creates a horrible mix of putridness only words can describe. I also worry that the dirty conditions our streets are left in means more disease and rats carrying infection about the place. I have also noticed the grass outside has started to get overgrown, the bushes are untidy and its only a matter of time before weeds start growing over the unused roads. The wilderness is very slowly but surely growing over everything, but what can we do? there are no council workers to keep it under control, not that it matters because for once I can safely avoid paying my council tax without worrying about a warning letter coming through the door. Saying that, even with everything that's happened, the greedy council would probably still find a way to send out council tax warnings and demand money for rent. That would just be my luck, getting evicted from my flat in the middle of a zombie outbreak.
Speaking of zombies, they are still wandering about looking as dumb as usual. I saw one yesterday that had half its body missing. By the looks of it, someone took a shot at it with a 12 gauge shotgun at point blank range, because the left side of its chest was gone, no ribcage, no meaty bits, a nice clean curvy hole, the arm was missing too. All I could think of is how much that must really hurt if those things can feel pain. I did feel sorry for the poor soul, yet there is a chance I may be running into him tomorrow, if I do then I may have the decency to put him out of his misery. I got a gun, but will try not to use it if possible, I need to keep my noise to a minimum, I gave myself away the last time and I swear some of them followed me back here. I cannot afford for that to happen again.
Monday 18 July 2011
Day 45
I woke up today with a sore throat, not sure how I got it as I haven't been around anyone to catch it. I certainly know that Its not the infection because I am not showing any of the obvious symptoms. With that in mind, being ill in a world where everyone is dead and turning into zombies doesn't make your day any better, especially when you believe you are suffering with a mental breakdown. To add insult to injury I was walking down my hall and I tripped and sprained my ankle, my right foot has been weakened by this so many times I have this problem where I walk along and sometimes I don't put my foot down properly and I end up putting all my weight on my ankle, so now I have a sore throat, a mental problem and a limp. I am definitely not in the right condition to go marching outside to find more supplies. There is some light at the end of the tunnel, because after finally finding our medical box, (Robyn was in charge of this and I never knew where she kept it.) I was lucky to find some Tramadol Hydrochloride which is basically morphine in tablet form, I popped a couple of those bad boys and oh my god, awesomness followed in that the pain was taken care of and It mellowed me right out. I couldn't decide whether or not it was like being drunk or being stone, but I didn't care because I liked it and it completely lifted my mood. All my worries and upset that had engulfed me over the last month had gone. So today I am just going to chill and enjoy the high while keeping my foot up and letting the morphine take care of me.
Thursday 14 July 2011
Day 41
I am tearing at my head these last few days, trying to quash the rogue memories trying to break out and take over, I am fighting to keep my sanity, fighting to stay alive. What makes it worse is I can't always tell the difference between the real world and my mind, I find that I am starting to argue with myself which is hard to explain unless you can feel and think the same things I am. Its like your mind says something to you that you don't agree with and your brain conflicts with it, you are in effect arguing with your own mind. An example of this happened this morning, my mind told me that I had to leave the flat and end it all in a blaze of glory while taking as many of those things out with me as possible, and my brain was like "shut up and don't be so stupid." Think of the relationship Tom Hanks had with his ball Wilson in the film Castaway, that is the only way I can really describe it.
While I am lucid I thought I would come on here and let you all know I am still alive and I hope most of you are too. I read a story from a group of survivors that had been roughing it out in some old warehouse, they had a young girl who they found out on her own. She was 7 years old and found at the side of the road clutching a bloodied kitchen knife and surrounded by dead infected. This small, innocent child had survived all on her own, after her parents got savaged by infected that broke into their home. This girl had fought her way out and stabbed attacking zombies in the head to kill them. What age is that to lose your family and get thrown into this world? The terrors she has seen is too much for any child to bear. She should be sitting at home playing with dolls or sleeping safely in her bed, yet she is out in the dark alone with thousands of hidden dangers, just waiting to strike at any moment.
The survivors who found her said that they had a lot of trouble trying to coax her into coming back with them to the warehouse. She showed no signs of a child, more like a barbaric animal wielding a knife that had taken many tortured souls in her path. In fact they were so worried about bringing her back that she could turn and attack them when they weren't looking. Even if there is an end to this disaster, that little girl will probably need endless psychological care for the rest of her life, because she has become a primitive animistic killer, probably not even old enough to know right from wrong, deeply disturbed by everything she has seen, and sees everyone as a threat. That said, they are trying to calm her down and let her know that she is safe now, the monsters won't get her and she doesn't need to be defensive. I can't help but think, this child's mind has been corrupted forever and the damage is irreversible.
In a way I wish that I had some company now, I always was a loner who enjoyed my own time to myself, yet you need to be careful what you wish for, the last month and a half I have had a bit too much of that and the lack of human company really has had a toll on me mentally and emotionally. When I go out to do a supply top up, I may keep my eyes out for any survivors, may even look for a new camera or batteries to replace mine as it is completely dead with no way of charging it. I may even catch up with those zombie rapists I saw the other week, If I did run into them I would probably blow each of their bollocks off and leave them to bleed out like the vile animals they are.
I may even run into a group of survivors that need shelter in my place. This time 3 weeks ago I would have completely threw out the idea, but now, I relish the thought of company, maybe even someone to keep me sorted when I end up having a passed memory invasion. Most of all I would love to see a damned army helicopter, ready to whisk me away to a safe desert island with nothing but sandy beaches, crystal clear water and beer on tap.
While I am lucid I thought I would come on here and let you all know I am still alive and I hope most of you are too. I read a story from a group of survivors that had been roughing it out in some old warehouse, they had a young girl who they found out on her own. She was 7 years old and found at the side of the road clutching a bloodied kitchen knife and surrounded by dead infected. This small, innocent child had survived all on her own, after her parents got savaged by infected that broke into their home. This girl had fought her way out and stabbed attacking zombies in the head to kill them. What age is that to lose your family and get thrown into this world? The terrors she has seen is too much for any child to bear. She should be sitting at home playing with dolls or sleeping safely in her bed, yet she is out in the dark alone with thousands of hidden dangers, just waiting to strike at any moment.
The survivors who found her said that they had a lot of trouble trying to coax her into coming back with them to the warehouse. She showed no signs of a child, more like a barbaric animal wielding a knife that had taken many tortured souls in her path. In fact they were so worried about bringing her back that she could turn and attack them when they weren't looking. Even if there is an end to this disaster, that little girl will probably need endless psychological care for the rest of her life, because she has become a primitive animistic killer, probably not even old enough to know right from wrong, deeply disturbed by everything she has seen, and sees everyone as a threat. That said, they are trying to calm her down and let her know that she is safe now, the monsters won't get her and she doesn't need to be defensive. I can't help but think, this child's mind has been corrupted forever and the damage is irreversible.
In a way I wish that I had some company now, I always was a loner who enjoyed my own time to myself, yet you need to be careful what you wish for, the last month and a half I have had a bit too much of that and the lack of human company really has had a toll on me mentally and emotionally. When I go out to do a supply top up, I may keep my eyes out for any survivors, may even look for a new camera or batteries to replace mine as it is completely dead with no way of charging it. I may even catch up with those zombie rapists I saw the other week, If I did run into them I would probably blow each of their bollocks off and leave them to bleed out like the vile animals they are.
I may even run into a group of survivors that need shelter in my place. This time 3 weeks ago I would have completely threw out the idea, but now, I relish the thought of company, maybe even someone to keep me sorted when I end up having a passed memory invasion. Most of all I would love to see a damned army helicopter, ready to whisk me away to a safe desert island with nothing but sandy beaches, crystal clear water and beer on tap.
Tuesday 12 July 2011
Day 39
Its been a few days since I posted so I thought I would pop on and keep you updated, I really think I'm starting to go insane, I read the end of my last post and seemed to be out of it completely. I said that I had to go because Robyn needed us to go shopping and I wanted some smoked salmon for dinner. I definitely know that was a past memory because the very last time we went shopping was when we bought salmon, and I even mentioned it in a blog post right at the beginning of the outbreak. This is really getting me concerned because if I have no control over these memory take overs then they can be very dangerous for me to live with on my own in this current world of the dead. What worries me the most is that when my mind goes off into one of these memory mind locks, I don't actually know what is happening to me in the real world. For instance in my memory I am making a cup of tea in the kitchen, but what am I really doing? I could be drinking bleach, making the bed while wearing underpants on my head, god knows what. The worst thing is that I have no way of treating myself or seeking help to get this sorted. Being left on my own with a questionable mental condition is very worrying, and the fact I have no self control really scares the hell out of me.
That said Robyn hasn't made any more visits other than the two the other day, so trying my best to keep my mind active and keeping my spirits up. The better stimulated my mind is, hopefully the less chance my brain decides to start messing with me and presenting things I don't need right now.
The supplies side of things is starting to get low, wish I saved that Jack Daniels, and the fizzy drinks have all gone. its back to blackcurrant cordial and month old bath water. We are running out of crisps and pork scratchings, but Robyn doesn't like pork scratchings so that is one little thing I get to enjoy without sharing. I may have to take a trip out soon, to get more stuff, I still have the gun I found on those dead soldiers so at least I will be better protected, I will check somewhere different the next time. The zombie activity outside has declined over the last few weeks, looks like everyone who got infected at the start of all this has started to rot so badly that they have wasted away. So I guess in a way, so long as any remaining survivors are smart, we can all just sit tight and wait it out and before we know it the first wave of zombies will eventually fade out killing the spread of the infection with it. The only way this thing will continue to live is if fresh people are infected each day, because the more people that get infected from this point on, means it will take longer for the rest of us to wait it out. I just hope that at this stage the only people who are left alive are those who are competent enough to stay alive and uninfected. You can't get this far without being smart and well defended. So with that little thought in my mind I guess you could say I finally have some hope that there could be an end to this.
That said Robyn hasn't made any more visits other than the two the other day, so trying my best to keep my mind active and keeping my spirits up. The better stimulated my mind is, hopefully the less chance my brain decides to start messing with me and presenting things I don't need right now.
The supplies side of things is starting to get low, wish I saved that Jack Daniels, and the fizzy drinks have all gone. its back to blackcurrant cordial and month old bath water. We are running out of crisps and pork scratchings, but Robyn doesn't like pork scratchings so that is one little thing I get to enjoy without sharing. I may have to take a trip out soon, to get more stuff, I still have the gun I found on those dead soldiers so at least I will be better protected, I will check somewhere different the next time. The zombie activity outside has declined over the last few weeks, looks like everyone who got infected at the start of all this has started to rot so badly that they have wasted away. So I guess in a way, so long as any remaining survivors are smart, we can all just sit tight and wait it out and before we know it the first wave of zombies will eventually fade out killing the spread of the infection with it. The only way this thing will continue to live is if fresh people are infected each day, because the more people that get infected from this point on, means it will take longer for the rest of us to wait it out. I just hope that at this stage the only people who are left alive are those who are competent enough to stay alive and uninfected. You can't get this far without being smart and well defended. So with that little thought in my mind I guess you could say I finally have some hope that there could be an end to this.
Sunday 10 July 2011
Day 36
So what has happened over the weekend? Not much really, the same old boring routine, I don't even think we can call it survival anymore, its more just living in co existence with the infected. If I was living at ground level in a tent, setting up traps and armed with a commando knife and a pistol then yes I would say its survival. All I do is sit within the safety of my 12th floor flat in a securely barricaded tower block to which I am starting to think I am the only living soul of. I mean yes, each day is tough living in a shoe box with no power, no entertainment and a supply of limited pub food. Yeah I can see how that can be annoying after a while, time moves slower than eternity itself and being lonely doesn't help, but at least I'm not on ground level battling off hordes of infected with nothing but a canvas tent to protect me at night.
I am starting to worry about my own sanity a bit, I guess being alone too long with nothing to do can produce many psychological problems if left long term. It may be part of the grieving process or eating gone off peanuts, but this morning Robyn came into the living room, sat down and asked me to make her a cup of tea. The crazy thing was I didn't even register the fact that 3 weeks ago I buried a maglite into the back of her skull and dragged her body down a few flights of stairs, which I can actually smell through the front door now.
So yeah, It was a weird moment, a bit like in a dream where a dead loved one comes to visit you and at no point does your brain switch on and say "this person is actually dead." its a very weird thing to experience, yet you continue on as if nothing is wrong. So I went into the kitchen, made her a cup of tea, came back in to find that she was gone. What made it stranger was It finally clicked in my head that she never was there when I sat down again, and the cup of tea I just made for her was no longer in my hand. So I went in to check the kitchen and of course I didn't bring in a cup of tea, there was no power to turn on the kettle and her cup was still in the cupboard. So what the hell happened, its like I dreamed or hallucinated an entire 20 minute incident that never happened, but it all seemed so real. I hadn't fallen asleep and I haven't taken any drugs so it really felt like it must have happened.
After doing some research about trauma, and psychological conditions I think I found something that answered my question. If someone has been part of a traumatic incident, is subjected to long term isolation with no mental stimulation the brain starts to act out, and puts the person into a kind of standby or mental lock down, then replaces the current mental state with a previous memory or conscious dream. So in short I acted out a past memory I shared with Robyn some time and brought it into my current conscious state. She walked in to the living room as she normally would, and I didn't immediately freak out at her being dead, because in my memory she was still alive, and I also acted out to make her a cup of tea, because that's what I would do. It all started to come together when the memory came to its end and reality took over, leaving me back where I started and confused about what just happened. I sure do hope I don't get many more of these because not only do they confuse the hell out of you, but they really are a sure bet that my sanity is starting to slip. Well its good that I have found the answer to this, so I think now I am more aware that passed memories are trying to enter my current mental consciousness. I can keep on top of it and say "wait a minute, this isn't real, its just a memory." Then I can keep control of my mind, realise I had a mental lapse and prevent myself from getting worse.
I am going to try and limit how many blogs I write on here, if not to spare laptop power, but its hard trying to bring up things to talk about when I am all on my own living with nothing to do. So do not be surprised if I only post once every two days or once a week. Naturally if something big happens I will be right on here to tell you all about it. Right I have to go now, Robyn needs us to go and make some dinner so hopefully I will be on soon to update you with some news, we have to go shopping today so hopefully we can pick up some smoked Salmon.
I am starting to worry about my own sanity a bit, I guess being alone too long with nothing to do can produce many psychological problems if left long term. It may be part of the grieving process or eating gone off peanuts, but this morning Robyn came into the living room, sat down and asked me to make her a cup of tea. The crazy thing was I didn't even register the fact that 3 weeks ago I buried a maglite into the back of her skull and dragged her body down a few flights of stairs, which I can actually smell through the front door now.
So yeah, It was a weird moment, a bit like in a dream where a dead loved one comes to visit you and at no point does your brain switch on and say "this person is actually dead." its a very weird thing to experience, yet you continue on as if nothing is wrong. So I went into the kitchen, made her a cup of tea, came back in to find that she was gone. What made it stranger was It finally clicked in my head that she never was there when I sat down again, and the cup of tea I just made for her was no longer in my hand. So I went in to check the kitchen and of course I didn't bring in a cup of tea, there was no power to turn on the kettle and her cup was still in the cupboard. So what the hell happened, its like I dreamed or hallucinated an entire 20 minute incident that never happened, but it all seemed so real. I hadn't fallen asleep and I haven't taken any drugs so it really felt like it must have happened.
After doing some research about trauma, and psychological conditions I think I found something that answered my question. If someone has been part of a traumatic incident, is subjected to long term isolation with no mental stimulation the brain starts to act out, and puts the person into a kind of standby or mental lock down, then replaces the current mental state with a previous memory or conscious dream. So in short I acted out a past memory I shared with Robyn some time and brought it into my current conscious state. She walked in to the living room as she normally would, and I didn't immediately freak out at her being dead, because in my memory she was still alive, and I also acted out to make her a cup of tea, because that's what I would do. It all started to come together when the memory came to its end and reality took over, leaving me back where I started and confused about what just happened. I sure do hope I don't get many more of these because not only do they confuse the hell out of you, but they really are a sure bet that my sanity is starting to slip. Well its good that I have found the answer to this, so I think now I am more aware that passed memories are trying to enter my current mental consciousness. I can keep on top of it and say "wait a minute, this isn't real, its just a memory." Then I can keep control of my mind, realise I had a mental lapse and prevent myself from getting worse.
I am going to try and limit how many blogs I write on here, if not to spare laptop power, but its hard trying to bring up things to talk about when I am all on my own living with nothing to do. So do not be surprised if I only post once every two days or once a week. Naturally if something big happens I will be right on here to tell you all about it. Right I have to go now, Robyn needs us to go and make some dinner so hopefully I will be on soon to update you with some news, we have to go shopping today so hopefully we can pick up some smoked Salmon.
Thursday 7 July 2011
Day 34
I couldn't get a wink of sleep last night, the fear of a nuclear blast in the face at any moment just cannot ever put you at ease. I keep telling myself that our government wouldn't do such a desperate thing, yet I keep having to face facts that we aren't living in the same world we were last month. The human race prides itself on being the dominant species on this planet, how we have evolved so well that our intelligence has surpassed that of any other animal in the world. We have sophisticated language and understanding of each other, knowledge of construction, education and many other things that separate us from the other creatures we share our lives with, yet with all our advanced intelligence, weapons and advancement in evolution, all it took was a natural microscopic viral cell to turn our world upside down. We had everything possible to win a war or educate the world, yet we could do nothing to prevent this plague. I am not a religious man, I have always been a man of science, as it can always answer my questions with proof, and backed up logic. No matter how much I always see this as an incident of mutated evolution in a viral bird flu, there is a nagging in the back of my head that keeps on itching the very core of my brain... "what if this is gods way of punishing us for how we treat the world and each other? What if this is his way to cleanse the world of sin, only the deserving get to survive and start a clean slate?" It would certainly make sense in the church and I can imagine them spewing that out to all the believers out there, I believe this would give the all the ammo they needed to convert what was left of the survivors to turn to god.
True it keeps coming up in the back of my head, but I do think of the bigger picture, I mean why does the devil not get the blame for all this? I mean god is supposed to be the most lovable caring being ever, yet he has claimed more lives in his name than Satan ever has, I guess you could say I think I know who the better person is. No, This is nothing to do with religion, it is exactly what is says on the tin and that is viral evolution. It was always due at any time and we always expected some new virus to knock us on our asses with no time to find a cure or vaccine. That said, whether you believe it to be the wrath of god or just science pushing forward, I think we need a good plague to sort us all out. We have all become too reliant on our material things, money, luxuries and we have all lost the basic values of humanity. The kids don't even go out and meet up anymore, they are all glued to facebook or their Iphone, with no respect for anyone or anything. The grown ups moan and whinge about how bad their lives are and how we all expect perfect service from everything, and act like spoilt children when we can't get our own way, then we have the elderly... Well, they just moan about being alive and how the world isn't like it used to be.
So I hope everyone is looking forward to this fresh start we are being awarded with, hey, the way things are going and I do somehow make it to the end of this, I may actually own this country. I mean at first I was devastated about how the world has gone to shit, I was upset that I lost all my friends and family, but It has taken me losing everything to put everything in perspective and I can see so clearly now. I have nobody telling me what to do, I answer to nobody, I have no rules or laws holding me back, the world is mine to take. I may not have any official or recognised title, but as long as their is air in my lungs and the freedom to walk, I own everything I touch. Anyone else alive in the world does too, and getting territorial about who owns what, just shows how like primitive animals we are. The only difference is I got a big fucking gun and the world is yours, providing you stay out of my way.
True it keeps coming up in the back of my head, but I do think of the bigger picture, I mean why does the devil not get the blame for all this? I mean god is supposed to be the most lovable caring being ever, yet he has claimed more lives in his name than Satan ever has, I guess you could say I think I know who the better person is. No, This is nothing to do with religion, it is exactly what is says on the tin and that is viral evolution. It was always due at any time and we always expected some new virus to knock us on our asses with no time to find a cure or vaccine. That said, whether you believe it to be the wrath of god or just science pushing forward, I think we need a good plague to sort us all out. We have all become too reliant on our material things, money, luxuries and we have all lost the basic values of humanity. The kids don't even go out and meet up anymore, they are all glued to facebook or their Iphone, with no respect for anyone or anything. The grown ups moan and whinge about how bad their lives are and how we all expect perfect service from everything, and act like spoilt children when we can't get our own way, then we have the elderly... Well, they just moan about being alive and how the world isn't like it used to be.
So I hope everyone is looking forward to this fresh start we are being awarded with, hey, the way things are going and I do somehow make it to the end of this, I may actually own this country. I mean at first I was devastated about how the world has gone to shit, I was upset that I lost all my friends and family, but It has taken me losing everything to put everything in perspective and I can see so clearly now. I have nobody telling me what to do, I answer to nobody, I have no rules or laws holding me back, the world is mine to take. I may not have any official or recognised title, but as long as their is air in my lungs and the freedom to walk, I own everything I touch. Anyone else alive in the world does too, and getting territorial about who owns what, just shows how like primitive animals we are. The only difference is I got a big fucking gun and the world is yours, providing you stay out of my way.
Wednesday 6 July 2011
Day 33
OK, I am getting a little bit concerned at the moment. Now we all knew back at the start of this outbreak when we still had an almost stable and working country that the virus had gone global, I remember seeing it on the TV, back when news channels were still on air. What I didn't know was all the politics still going on over the weeks while we are all left in the dark hiding in our homes. So yes, although we haven't seen them doing anything or actually doing more to help us, there is still a working government worldwide. The problem is that none of them have any promising ways of sorting this situation out effectively. The same thing has happened all over like clock work and no country has a sustainable military organization able to destroy the threat properly. But what every country does have is a lot of ICBM's and not only does most countries have ICBM's, some of them have actually launched them. I am not joking, I just looked on the Emergency CNN website and Israel have launched three of them over several parts of Palestine, wiping half of it off the map. It can be argued that they have been waiting for decades to do something like this due to the never ending political unrest between both nations. Now with nobody to stop them, they pressed the big red button. They can argue to the end of the earth that it was purely to control the zombie population, but everyone knows it was a dirty sucker punch while nobody was looking.
North Korea decided to copy the idea and South Korea is now a highly radioactive beach due to being hammered so hard that it has been sent to the bottom of the ocean. America are in serious talks on whether or not to deploy nuclear weapons on some of the larger cities in order to destroy a large part of the zombie population, yet are being forced by a majority vote to stand down. I mean America using nuclear weapons on its own country is unthinkable, but begs the question and that is, what are the political goons in Whitehall, London planning? The world has crossed a line when it decides to launch Nuclear warheads in a non war scenario, I don't know or trust our government at the best of times, how can I sit here and even comprehend what they are planning when the whole world has gone down the toilet? Stevenage isn't classed as a large city, Its big, don't get me wrong and you will find more than a few hundred thousand infected wandering about, but London is only 20 miles down the road, and if by any chance a nuclear weapon were to detonate in central London, then are we still going to get hit by the blast wave? will we end up getting covered in radioactive dust, blown over by the wind direction? That's a fate worse than death, if you are not in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear blast and get sizzled in a second, you then suffer the effects of radiation poisoning and die a slow painful death over a year, with cancer and a whole lot of other nasties. It sends a chill down your spine, I just hope, I pray that the Cabinet in Downing street or wherever they are hiding, plan to just sit on their asses like they usually do and blame the infection and everything else all on the previous Government and do nothing to sort the problem out.
North Korea decided to copy the idea and South Korea is now a highly radioactive beach due to being hammered so hard that it has been sent to the bottom of the ocean. America are in serious talks on whether or not to deploy nuclear weapons on some of the larger cities in order to destroy a large part of the zombie population, yet are being forced by a majority vote to stand down. I mean America using nuclear weapons on its own country is unthinkable, but begs the question and that is, what are the political goons in Whitehall, London planning? The world has crossed a line when it decides to launch Nuclear warheads in a non war scenario, I don't know or trust our government at the best of times, how can I sit here and even comprehend what they are planning when the whole world has gone down the toilet? Stevenage isn't classed as a large city, Its big, don't get me wrong and you will find more than a few hundred thousand infected wandering about, but London is only 20 miles down the road, and if by any chance a nuclear weapon were to detonate in central London, then are we still going to get hit by the blast wave? will we end up getting covered in radioactive dust, blown over by the wind direction? That's a fate worse than death, if you are not in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear blast and get sizzled in a second, you then suffer the effects of radiation poisoning and die a slow painful death over a year, with cancer and a whole lot of other nasties. It sends a chill down your spine, I just hope, I pray that the Cabinet in Downing street or wherever they are hiding, plan to just sit on their asses like they usually do and blame the infection and everything else all on the previous Government and do nothing to sort the problem out.
Tuesday 5 July 2011
Day 32
I cannot believe its been a whole month since this whole thing kicked off, time couldn't have gone slower if it tried. I gotta be careful as my supplies are starting to get low, which an only mean unless any rescue is inbound within the next few days, then I have to go back out again. In fact I am not all that scared of going out anymore because I know what awaits me. Not that it makes my task any easier, I guess you can say i have become content with my situation, if I get attacked or bitten I don't even care anymore, I mean why would I care? I have lost everything that means anything to me, there is nothing left for me to live for. Even if by some chance I get whisked away by the military via helicopter while they fire duel machine guns, where the hell are they going to take me and how much better is my life going to get? I would only get dropped off at an over populated evacuation point and subject myself to at least 6 months of gruelling quarantine, conditions, sharing a chemical toilet with 600 other homeless people living the same nightmare as myself.
The next door neighbor is up to his old tricks of scratching up against the wall, he is really starting to get on my nerves, I know that sometime soon I am going to have to sort him out for good, if not to put the poor sod out his misery, but because my own sanity is suffering as a result. Do you even know how off putting it is sleeping in the room next to someone that is foaming at the mouth, and crying for your flesh, yet any time he may or may not work out what the door knob is for? It can be hard to sleep, I accept the fact i could get pulled down by a horde of zombies while I try to shoot as many of them as possible until they over power me, but the thought of waking up in the middle of the night to find a corpse chewing on your leg in complete darkness, that is really going to be a frightening experience.
I am halfway through my 2nd laptops battery life so I better end today's blog and wish everyone well and hope you are keeping safe. Remember to lock your doors and keep noise down to a minimum.
The next door neighbor is up to his old tricks of scratching up against the wall, he is really starting to get on my nerves, I know that sometime soon I am going to have to sort him out for good, if not to put the poor sod out his misery, but because my own sanity is suffering as a result. Do you even know how off putting it is sleeping in the room next to someone that is foaming at the mouth, and crying for your flesh, yet any time he may or may not work out what the door knob is for? It can be hard to sleep, I accept the fact i could get pulled down by a horde of zombies while I try to shoot as many of them as possible until they over power me, but the thought of waking up in the middle of the night to find a corpse chewing on your leg in complete darkness, that is really going to be a frightening experience.
I am halfway through my 2nd laptops battery life so I better end today's blog and wish everyone well and hope you are keeping safe. Remember to lock your doors and keep noise down to a minimum.
Monday 4 July 2011
Days 30 & 31
There hasn't been much to talk about over the last few days, nothing worth posting at least, but in some cases the smallest thing really can be exciting. I mean how many different ways can I really explain about absolutely nothing? The nights are dark with no power, the days are long and uneventfull and I have nothing to do. That really is the story in a nutshell. Outside the nutshell I have already covered so much about what goes on, what survival and basic rationing is all about, and I am getting to the point where I cannot live this way much longer. The boredom is a punishment worse than death, hell even doing a life sentence in prison has its perks, at least you get a hot meal each day, always have someone to talk to and get to have butt sex whenever you want it.
I felt that if I could preserve my sense of humor I could make it through all this, but I need more than that, all my morale is at rock bottom, hope is gone and I am heading towards losing my mind completely. Still I am probably off here than in those evacuation centres scattered around the Country. Most are overcrowded, have dirty living conditions, everyone is always on edge, fighting and robbing each other and there is no order. So in short, a bit like a typical Stevenage council estate with a perimeter fence and armed soldiers on the gate.
Still, rounding thousands of people up and throw them in a box is probably not the best idea anyway, I saw on the Internet that a large evac centre in Luton got completely overrun by infected. Apparently, the soldiers didn't screen people properly and let in some that had bites and signs of infection, within a couple of days they were all infected from the inside out. At least up here on the 12th floor you only have yourself to look out for and if someone tries to bust in and steal my stuff, I have a pistol to drop them where they stand.
There isn't anymore news from that scientist in Cambridge, I can only hope he is synthesising some sort of vaccine that can reverse the effects of the virus or prevent it all together. I doubt there are enough bullets available to take out every zombie, and I feel that it could take many years to rid the country of the virus completely. After all England is a big place, and there are always dark places for zombies to lay dormant, you think you got them all, and the next thing you know they are coming out the sewers and the outbreak starts all over again. If the government put out a press release saying all the infected have been destroyed I will not be celebrating or walking out anytime soon. You just will not be able to get them all, and it only takes one to reset the clock.
I felt that if I could preserve my sense of humor I could make it through all this, but I need more than that, all my morale is at rock bottom, hope is gone and I am heading towards losing my mind completely. Still I am probably off here than in those evacuation centres scattered around the Country. Most are overcrowded, have dirty living conditions, everyone is always on edge, fighting and robbing each other and there is no order. So in short, a bit like a typical Stevenage council estate with a perimeter fence and armed soldiers on the gate.
Still, rounding thousands of people up and throw them in a box is probably not the best idea anyway, I saw on the Internet that a large evac centre in Luton got completely overrun by infected. Apparently, the soldiers didn't screen people properly and let in some that had bites and signs of infection, within a couple of days they were all infected from the inside out. At least up here on the 12th floor you only have yourself to look out for and if someone tries to bust in and steal my stuff, I have a pistol to drop them where they stand.
There isn't anymore news from that scientist in Cambridge, I can only hope he is synthesising some sort of vaccine that can reverse the effects of the virus or prevent it all together. I doubt there are enough bullets available to take out every zombie, and I feel that it could take many years to rid the country of the virus completely. After all England is a big place, and there are always dark places for zombies to lay dormant, you think you got them all, and the next thing you know they are coming out the sewers and the outbreak starts all over again. If the government put out a press release saying all the infected have been destroyed I will not be celebrating or walking out anytime soon. You just will not be able to get them all, and it only takes one to reset the clock.
Saturday 2 July 2011
Day 30
Today has been a really nice day in terms of weather, just wish I could have gone out to a park, a zoo or even just a picnic in front of the flats. What is worse is that I am on the larger size, so I tend to sweat a bit more than most and in this heat there is no way to escape from it. Before I would turn on the fan or get the cold water spray from the fridge, but now there is no escaping the heat. At least when its cold in the winter you can just turn on the heating or add some more clothes, but there really is no way to avoid the heat apart from diving into a cool swimming pool. I have noticed a substantial loss off weight, this survival business is probably the best dieting solution you can think of. Forget those ads promising you to get ripped within 3 days, eating rations and keeping fit to avoid the boredom is the way forward. It is true what they said about the fat, and unfit were the first to go, however I have been rising above it all and believing that I am still here to beat the odds.
True my diet shouldn't really consist of cooked pig skin and crisps, however keeping fit with it kind of fixes the problem. I probably can't run a marathon or pull my own body weight up a rope, but dammit I'm not going to flop onto the floor in a puddle of sweat having an asthma attack trying to breath while those damn things close in on me like I am a pig on a spit.
It was good to hear the theory written by that scientist from Cambridge University, I like to think he was a man that knows what he is talking about, I don't know enough about biology to doubt his theory, and although I was hanging off some of the words he was saying, the zombie biology explanation seemed to make sense. When I was in town last week I hung around in front of a group of those things while they were chowing down on some poor victim. I couldn't have been more than 20 feet away, yet they had no knowledge of my presence, so I must have been upwind from them, they have limited eyesight, but seem to work via sense of smell. They didn't react because my scent was blowing against them in the wind. When I ran right passed that zombie in the doorway, I don't think my scent made any difference because I almost tripped over him and he would have been under no doubt that something new had appeared in front of him. I still cannot get over how close I came go getting attacked when that happened, my heart pumped double hard for the rest of the day.
Last night I looked out the window and noticed that all the street lights and usual building lights were all out, so the whole town must be out of power now. I only knew my electric cut out because I ran out of credit and had no way of topping up, while the rest of Stevenage could carry on. Looks like we are all in the same boat now, its nice to know I am not suffering alone, I can just imagine some of the teenagers committing suicide because their lives are worthless without mobile phones or facebook, just show how weak and technology dependant we have become. This Zombie apocalypse has taken more from us than we can ever know, you need more than mental and physical strength to survive, the weak and technology reliant, need to adapt or they are going to give up soon. I like to think I can survive without all the luxuries we expect, I mean I kind of had to anyway for most of the year as being out of work means we cannot afford nice things.
True my diet shouldn't really consist of cooked pig skin and crisps, however keeping fit with it kind of fixes the problem. I probably can't run a marathon or pull my own body weight up a rope, but dammit I'm not going to flop onto the floor in a puddle of sweat having an asthma attack trying to breath while those damn things close in on me like I am a pig on a spit.
It was good to hear the theory written by that scientist from Cambridge University, I like to think he was a man that knows what he is talking about, I don't know enough about biology to doubt his theory, and although I was hanging off some of the words he was saying, the zombie biology explanation seemed to make sense. When I was in town last week I hung around in front of a group of those things while they were chowing down on some poor victim. I couldn't have been more than 20 feet away, yet they had no knowledge of my presence, so I must have been upwind from them, they have limited eyesight, but seem to work via sense of smell. They didn't react because my scent was blowing against them in the wind. When I ran right passed that zombie in the doorway, I don't think my scent made any difference because I almost tripped over him and he would have been under no doubt that something new had appeared in front of him. I still cannot get over how close I came go getting attacked when that happened, my heart pumped double hard for the rest of the day.
Last night I looked out the window and noticed that all the street lights and usual building lights were all out, so the whole town must be out of power now. I only knew my electric cut out because I ran out of credit and had no way of topping up, while the rest of Stevenage could carry on. Looks like we are all in the same boat now, its nice to know I am not suffering alone, I can just imagine some of the teenagers committing suicide because their lives are worthless without mobile phones or facebook, just show how weak and technology dependant we have become. This Zombie apocalypse has taken more from us than we can ever know, you need more than mental and physical strength to survive, the weak and technology reliant, need to adapt or they are going to give up soon. I like to think I can survive without all the luxuries we expect, I mean I kind of had to anyway for most of the year as being out of work means we cannot afford nice things.
Friday 1 July 2011
Day 29
I am starting to get a come down from only eating crappy pub snacks, got more than enough to last a while, but I guess you have to appreciate the supplies you are given in times like these. Would love to carve off a nice joint from a cow and slap it under the grill, those days seem to be behind me now. I am still trying to get over what I witnessed yesterday, I just could not get over how they were openly raping on of those things in broad daylight in the middle of the street, not a care in the world. Now they have crossed that line, there isn't any way back after that. I remember where I say that guy from now, he used to be at my school, I remember his face but not his name. He was in a few years below me, got bullied a lot by the bigger kids and always seemed so innocent and quiet. If I was told that 17 years later he would be gang raping a corpse I would have laughed at the idea, although it really isn't a laughing matter. These things are no longer humane people we used to love and know, they are dead, they are infected and they are very dangerous, but they used to have lives, they used to be somebody. By holding them down and forcefully raping them, destroys any remaining dignity this virus left them with.
The scientist From Cambridge is still alive and he has been a very busy man, because there is a huge update on his website via video blog. He Is under guard by the Territorial Army, at a secured army base out in Chelmsford, and he has been conducting experiments and dissections on many of those infected in order to learn more about them. I can already imagine the Greenpeace hippies camped outside the perimeter fence kicking off only to get munched in the night. He made a very interesting explanation on the zombie biology, try to bear with me on this, because it gets a little bit technical.
We know that the most complex behaviours in highly developed animals such as mankind are associated with the cortex, the outermost layer of the two hemispheres of the brain. If you remove the cortex in animals, their behaviour becomes purely instinctive and 'stereotyped'. They can repeat over-learned behaviours and have instinctive drives. In other words, they become a bit like zombies.
The cerebral hemispheres are the two largest structures at the top of the brain which enfold (and, therefore, conceal from view) most other brain structures. The top layer of the cerebrum (about 1cm at its deepest) is the cerebral cortex (usually just called 'cortex' which means 'bark'). About three-quarters of the cortex does not have an obvious sensory or motor function and is known as the association cortex, this is where the 'higher mental functions' (cognition) - thinking, reasoning, learning, etc. - probably 'occur'. There is no doubt that the cortex is not necessary for biological survival as some species do not have one to begin with (e.g. birds) and in those that do, surgical removal does not prevent the animal from displaying a wide range of behaviour, although it becomes much more automatic and stereotyped.
In human zombies a form of incomplete brain death must occur. It disables the higher functions of the brain and leaves behind the mechanical and motor controls of the limbic system, complete with a small amount of memory function. This results in the limited aspects of zombie behaviour; they can remember how to move around and other motor skills (such as eating), but lack coherent consciousness or higher functions.
Some zombie films have it that willpower does not come from the brain. These depict zombies in an (even) less likely light. Motor functions in our nervous system are controlled centrally by organs at the base of our brain, at the top of the spine, such as the medulla and cerebellum. Orders travel from here, down the spine, to the appendages. The appendages' nerves have no system to self-rule. In other words, muscles can only be controlled in a directed way, from the brain. As a result of this, animist zombie films must somehow explain that (for example), a hand on its own has had its nerves physically rewired into a new motor control area. It becomes far too complicated and unlikely that mystical sources of willpower could ever accomplish this.
Zombie bodies are human bodies, but with changed properties. Normal nervous system activity seems lacking, and only motor control exists. They do not feel pain, or at least, do not react to it. They do not seem to suffer much from blood loss and do not need to eat or drink. You could guess that they have no internal homeostasis, they retain most their water because they do not sweat, which means they do not regulate body temperature, but also they are more water efficient. A person can survive without food for weeks, but, without the bulk of their brain functioning the energy requirements of a zombie is lower by up to 10%. They can survive longer without food. Muscles use energy and require blood sugar to function. The blood must transport acids and the by-products of metabolism away from the muscles and organs to be disposed of or recycled. Without a beating heart, our muscles and bodies would become immobile. With no diet (apart from occasional fresh meat, which most zombies do not get), they must be burning their own body fats and even muscle proteins... yet their continued ability to move contradicts this. In some more realistic films, zombies can be killed like normal people: Damage to their body will stop them. The biology of the zombie body is the weakest-link in this genre's scientific credibility.
Zombies can always tell who else is a zombie, apart from in a few of the more humorous zombie films. Zombies do not fight other zombies, do not eat them, and mingle peacefully with them. They only attack the living. Some chemical interaction must occur: The dead can either smell who is dead, or, can smell who is alive.
The scientist From Cambridge is still alive and he has been a very busy man, because there is a huge update on his website via video blog. He Is under guard by the Territorial Army, at a secured army base out in Chelmsford, and he has been conducting experiments and dissections on many of those infected in order to learn more about them. I can already imagine the Greenpeace hippies camped outside the perimeter fence kicking off only to get munched in the night. He made a very interesting explanation on the zombie biology, try to bear with me on this, because it gets a little bit technical.
We know that the most complex behaviours in highly developed animals such as mankind are associated with the cortex, the outermost layer of the two hemispheres of the brain. If you remove the cortex in animals, their behaviour becomes purely instinctive and 'stereotyped'. They can repeat over-learned behaviours and have instinctive drives. In other words, they become a bit like zombies.
The cerebral hemispheres are the two largest structures at the top of the brain which enfold (and, therefore, conceal from view) most other brain structures. The top layer of the cerebrum (about 1cm at its deepest) is the cerebral cortex (usually just called 'cortex' which means 'bark'). About three-quarters of the cortex does not have an obvious sensory or motor function and is known as the association cortex, this is where the 'higher mental functions' (cognition) - thinking, reasoning, learning, etc. - probably 'occur'. There is no doubt that the cortex is not necessary for biological survival as some species do not have one to begin with (e.g. birds) and in those that do, surgical removal does not prevent the animal from displaying a wide range of behaviour, although it becomes much more automatic and stereotyped.
In human zombies a form of incomplete brain death must occur. It disables the higher functions of the brain and leaves behind the mechanical and motor controls of the limbic system, complete with a small amount of memory function. This results in the limited aspects of zombie behaviour; they can remember how to move around and other motor skills (such as eating), but lack coherent consciousness or higher functions.
Some zombie films have it that willpower does not come from the brain. These depict zombies in an (even) less likely light. Motor functions in our nervous system are controlled centrally by organs at the base of our brain, at the top of the spine, such as the medulla and cerebellum. Orders travel from here, down the spine, to the appendages. The appendages' nerves have no system to self-rule. In other words, muscles can only be controlled in a directed way, from the brain. As a result of this, animist zombie films must somehow explain that (for example), a hand on its own has had its nerves physically rewired into a new motor control area. It becomes far too complicated and unlikely that mystical sources of willpower could ever accomplish this.
Zombie bodies are human bodies, but with changed properties. Normal nervous system activity seems lacking, and only motor control exists. They do not feel pain, or at least, do not react to it. They do not seem to suffer much from blood loss and do not need to eat or drink. You could guess that they have no internal homeostasis, they retain most their water because they do not sweat, which means they do not regulate body temperature, but also they are more water efficient. A person can survive without food for weeks, but, without the bulk of their brain functioning the energy requirements of a zombie is lower by up to 10%. They can survive longer without food. Muscles use energy and require blood sugar to function. The blood must transport acids and the by-products of metabolism away from the muscles and organs to be disposed of or recycled. Without a beating heart, our muscles and bodies would become immobile. With no diet (apart from occasional fresh meat, which most zombies do not get), they must be burning their own body fats and even muscle proteins... yet their continued ability to move contradicts this. In some more realistic films, zombies can be killed like normal people: Damage to their body will stop them. The biology of the zombie body is the weakest-link in this genre's scientific credibility.
Zombies can always tell who else is a zombie, apart from in a few of the more humorous zombie films. Zombies do not fight other zombies, do not eat them, and mingle peacefully with them. They only attack the living. Some chemical interaction must occur: The dead can either smell who is dead, or, can smell who is alive.
- If the dead can smell each other, and therefore know who to ignore, some sort of zombie pheromone must be released by the dead. If the cause of the disease is a virus, perhaps by-products of the virus' actions are detectable. Perhaps this by-product is unpleasant: If the zombies need to eat fresh meat, then decaying meat may contain poisons that they can detect.
- Or perhaps it is the living who produce normal pheromones, and the dead can merely smell these (and they smell like food). This would however imply that sometimes the living could be smelled out by the dead, whereas in zombie films this never happens.
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