Day 26

Today's post is late I know, I am suffering from an afternoon hang over. I had a big day yesterday to which I nearly didn't make it home, so with all the supplies i managed to bring home I had a little feast on pub snacks and swilled it all down with Jack Daniels and coke. I really got pissed last night almost to the point of puking, but I didn't care, it was well deserved and went down like a Thai Hooker. So on reflection how do I feel about yesterdays venture outside? Well for most of the day I was in shock, I hadn't actually realised how 7 hours had passed in what felt like an instant. I sat there in a trance locked within time, only to snap out of it when I heard the undead calling out in the night air. I suffered the full force of so many emotions at once that my brain could not decode and handle the data it was being forced with, so this not only caused me to break down in an uncontrollable emotional wreak on the floor, but some how rebooted my brain sending it into lock down.
It was a weird experience to try and explain, you know how you are faced with direct danger, fear or panic and you feel that times spreads out into a longer thread making seconds feel like minutes? Well after I got home yesterday and reality smacked me in the face I suffered the reverse effect where hours compressed down into seconds, I have no recollection of the time in between going into the trance and coming out of it. I guess it was my minds own way of dealing with the trauma of facing an extreme situation. I came very close to getting bitten and it scared me to death. I was very cocky up to that point, I started to get a feeling of invincibility because all the zombies I encountered paid no attention to me and I felt like I could walk passed them without being noticed, but it wasn't true. They had been so used to their own company that they had forgotten what live meat looked like until one walked right passed them and triggered them to attack.  Some of them followed me home, I have noticed a few more of them downstairs however I doubt they tracked me all the way here, unless they can detect my scent or something.

I try to ignore what is happening outside because I now have some fresh drinks and lots of pub snacks, its not recommended to have for dinner or breakfast, yet its food and will keep me alive. The Jack Daniels is a luxury bonus and I plan on saving the rest for when I have a down day. It is amazing how much deeper you start to think when you are drunk, I started to get emotional because I missed Robyn, and wanted her back, then I started to get upset because it dawned on me that my Mother, my sister and all my friends were dead as well, not something I thought about before. You don't appreciate how isolated you really are until you survive in your own personal hell with nobody around to help you. Remember when you were at school as a young child and you did something wrong and got sent to the heads office? you would sit outside the door waiting for it to open and having to face the wrath of an enraged headteacher. That's the lonely isolation I kind of mean, you are on your own, stuck, nobody is there to help you and you know its only a matter of time before that door opens. That is what I feel like all the time, but I kind of have more control of how I deal with it. You live, you survive and you take control of your own destiny, sure you can give up and let the infected take control of you, or you can beat them and beat the elements, fight for your own worth, and eventually you will be rewarded. You just need faith, strength and hope.