I am not feeling too good today, it's nothing to do with the infection, I just feel so withdrawn, tired and generally exhausted. I guess being alert all the time and generally sitting around is starting to have some sort of psychological affect on me. I am trying to keep active and my mind stimulated, however it is very limited when there is no power and being restricted to just this flat. Its stressing me out a lot being in here, imprisoned in my own home with limited food, hardly any entertainment, slowly dying batteries and no real guarantee of rescue. I need a full meal, I need a cigarette and I need my wife back. I am starting to question my own mental state, not an easy task when you are trying to self medicate, but I feel some morale boosting is needed. I need a goal or even just a little bit of hope that there is an end to all this terror that has gripped the world. Last night I had to actually stop myself from jumping out of the window, I actually wanted to put a stop to this and be with my wife, I was there for about 10 minutes just trying to push myself forward, but a small piece of my own sanity prevented me from doing it. First I have a fear of heights so suicide from jumping really probably didn't help and secondly I am on the 12th floor which really is high enough to kill, but I kept thinking about what if I only badly injured myself? I would be left in pain outside in the cold with absolutely no rescue to come to my aid and pretty much just lie there for the infected to crowd round and eat me alive, that is a fate worse than death.
After checking through my food and general supplies I have worked out that unless some miracle happens within the next 5 days or so I will have to go outside and look for whatever I can find. Laptop battery is down to 65% food is getting low and the water I have stored in the bath and sinks are starting to get low. I have designated one sink to use only for washing, and that is starting to get pretty grim now. I would actually be making myself dirty just by using it, so it looks like I have to stop washing until I can find a fresh source of water.
Bad day one of the group for some reason has started to get ill what it is we dont no but keeping a close eye on them but they look like they are at deaths door am not happy they say its just a bit of flu but come on im not silly and will have no one putting my own personal survival at risk and will shoot them where they stand if i so have to the whole operation of getting out of here is on hold as everyone is looking after sam for being so ill i know no one has got bit beacuse none have got in we are blocked in so only explantion is its gone airbourne i hope it has not the radio i found a few days ago we sent out our own message to any survivors telling them that a tank will be driving in and around town in the next few days and that if we can get to them it will and bring them back to a place that has been fortified you can respond with a walkie talkie or any two way radio within 3miles of this broadcast postion.
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